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Pondering the Past, The Present, the Possible |
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Pondering the Past, The Present, the Possible |
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Stand in your word, let others know you are solid
and dependable. The greatest personal growth you will ever experience will
come from keeping your commitments, especially through the toughest of
times. Do not let fear rule you, do not take things personal. Fear is the
loss of power in your life, and when you make decisions resulting from
feelings of powerlessness, you become even less empowered.
Hopefully you are finding life fun, challenging, and worthwhile. If you
are experiencing difficulties, please read on. There are ways to handle
difficulties that may arise. Stay focused on
YOUR
self worth, keep the faith, and
KEEP YOUR COMMITMENTS.
The Grieving Process I remember sitting around with
my former wife, Sue, and some family members at a get together of some
kind. We were having a conversation about how lucky we were as a family
because we had not yet experienced the loss of any immediate family
members. I recall thinking about that and looking around. I looked over
and saw my mother, with her usual cigarette burning, sitting and talking
to someone. My dad was there too, close by her, ready to assist her in
any way he could. My sister Betty Lou was there, sitting off by herself,
observing, occasionally interacting with those around her. I spotted
Louie, my older brother, walking around, drink in hand, playing the
clown as he often did. Many other family members were there also. I
remember smiling to myself and thinking, "Yes, we are lucky. What a
great family, what a good time." The evening moved along and we chatted,
drank, and laughed. It was a good time and the memory brings a warm
feeling to me. That was just over a decade ago. From that moment in time to
right now, much has changed. In 1987, I experienced the loss of my wife
Sue, through divorce. My father died in 1991 and my sister Betty Lou
died three months later. My mother died in 1995 and my brother Louie in
1999. In May of 2000, on Mothers Day, my wife, Eve, asked for a divorce.
For me and my family, the last decade has been one of significant loss,
significant contact with some of the most difficult aspects of life.
Loss and Grief are
common to all of us. From the time we are born, we experience loss in
many ways. We lose family members, friends, acquaintances, and pets
through death. We move to new locations, experience divorce, lose
fortunes, cars, and other possessions. We leave our childhood behind
through the natural aging process and at other times, quite unnaturally
through trauma and abuse. We lose our innocence, sometimes our
enthusiasm, and sometimes our direction. Thus, we grieve, we suffer, we
experience pain. Through times of loss and in
the aftermath, it is important for us to experience the grief, make room
for it in our lives, and to heal. It has been important for me to see
that if there is any one binding force, any one commonality to us all,
it is loss and grief. But, in our culture, grief and its effects are not
very well understood. We are not taught to handle it well. We are taught
that we should move on quickly after a loss. We learn to put our losses
behind us, stuff our pain, and to think positively. Thus we often try to
shield those around us by not recognizing how affected we are by a loss
and the grief that follows. We keep up appearances. We may drink too
much. We may "keep a stiff upper lip", or we may try to appear strong
for those around us. In short, we deny our feelings of sorrow. Such
denial is unhealthy. Suggested Readings:
We all strive for
happiness and fulfillment throughout our lifetimes. Along that journey, life
will present us with many challenges. How does one live well consistently and
and take tough times in stride? It is important to never lose sight of your own
self worth. Re-affirm the fact that no matter how hard you try, there will be
those you will never please. That can seem difficult at times.
"Seat of the Soul" Gary Zukav
"The Grief Recovery Handbook"
